Stars and Heaven
by Paris Catacombs
Summary: What's so great about stars? Allen self discovery story.
1. Shooting Star

Cross unlocked the door to his room and entered, closing the door swiftly behind him. He swayed over to the nearest bed to sit. Cross glanced over to young boy with snow-white hair looking out the window into the dark night sky. Allen gave a small sigh.

"What are you looking at, foolish disciple?" Cross asked, lighting a cigarette in his mouth.

"The stars…" Allen replied.

"Tch, the stars? What's so interesting about them?" Cross puffed on his smoke.

"They're beautiful to look at…" Allen whispered.

"Beautiful? You think stars are beautiful? Little moron, they're nothing but big fat balls of gas in space."

"That's not what Mana says… " Allen argued, slowly turned his attention to Cross. "Stars are beautiful! Also, if you keep staring at them for awhile you're bound to find a shooting star and if you happen to find one Mana said to make a wish on it and it will come true!"

"Such rubbish," Cross gave a small chuckle, shaking his head at the young boy's stupidity.

"B-But!" Allen tried to protest against Cross's remark. "It is true because Mana says so!"

"Foolish disciple, shootings stars are nothing more then meteoroids burning up in the earth's atmosphere. "

Allen didn't say anything and looked back out the window with a sad expression on his face.

Cross took one last puff of his cigarette and put it out in his ashtray. "Now come on. You should be asleep ready, we have to head out early in the morning."

Allen didn't budge from his spot and kept looking out the window.

Cross gave an irritated sigh. "Fine, if you want to stay up all night be my guest but you better have your ass up in the morning before I wake up, you hear me?" Cross took off his boots and his exorcist coat and lay down on his bed, closing his eyes.

"Master?"

"Hm?"

"If a shooting star isn't real… does that mean heaven isn't real also? Then where would Mana be?"

"When you're dead you're dead, you cease to exist anymore. Simple as that. Your body just decomposes in the earth."

"I see…"

"But I could be wrong…"

Allen looked at Cross with interest in his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe there is a thing known as heaven."


	2. Broken Star

**Spoilers for chapters 165-167**

_"Allen, did you know if you look hard enough into the sky, you'll find a shooting star and if you see one you can make a wish and it will come true?"_

"_Oh really?!" Allen smiled widened as him and his foster father were laying on the grass looking up into the night sky._

_Mana chuckled. "Yep, we should keep watching until we find one."_

"_Okay!" Allen snuggled up against Mana, trying to keep warm since it was quite cold outside, but Mana didn't seem to mind._

"_Mana?"_

"_Yes Allen?"_

"_Is there a thing such as heaven?"_

"_Why of course." Mana smiled. "It's a wonderful place. There's no pain or worry but just happiness."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes."_

_"Mana…"_

"_Yes Allen?"_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too Allen… and I always will…."_

"What a bunch of crap."

Allen stared up at the ceiling of his new room in the new headquarters. After hearing Cross's words about having the 14th's memory implanted in his brain, he didn't know if he could ever see things the same way again.

Mana, the only man who ever seemed to give a damn about him truly didn't. All he cared about was his brother and his memories.

Allen couldn't believe the words he was hearing out from Cross's mouth. _'Was Mana only using me?'_ Allen started to cry. _'How could he?'_

Allen couldn't take the pain of betrayal and lies and quickly stood up, slamming his fist into the wall out of anger and frustration. "Damn it!"

_"Remember… I will always lover you."_

Allen remembered Mana's last words before he killed him.

"Those words weren't meant for me… they were meant for someone else. I was nothing but just a useless kid to you, wasn't I… Mana?"


	3. Wishing Star

**Spoilers for chapters 165-167**

I don't think I've ever witnessed a shooting star.

Sometimes Mana and I would go outside at night and lay down on a patch of grass staring up into the star filled night hoping to find one, but neither of us did. After Mana died, the only thing I wanted to find was a shooting star. Maybe if I was lucky enough to find one on a cold winter night and maybe, just maybe, with that one last hope that I felt in my heart, everything could go back to normal again. Mana would be alive again and I would be once again laying down staring up at the night sky searching for a shooting start with Mana by my side.

But now, I realized it's not possible. I stopped believing as my heart slowly closed up from the world and I lost my last piece of hope. I lost the only thing that could give me hope. His words were the only thing that guided me whenever I will felt hopeless and lost. But everything Mana told me was a lie. Now there is only silence.

If there truly were shooting stars, wouldn't I have found one already? Cross was right, there's no such thing as a shooting star and there's probably no such thing as heaven. There's no afterlife. Once you die, you are gone. You rot in the ground and there's no way to ever come back. Nothing has the power to do that, not even a shooting star.

But even so...

Mana.

If you can hear me, please just give me your guidance again. Right now, even if you're not near me, you're words are the only thing that will keep me going. Even if the things you say are a lie. I don't care. I want to keep moving. I can't just stop here. I want to keep searching..

I want to believe…

And maybe…

Just maybe with your words and your hope…

I'll find that shooting star I've been searching for.


End file.
